This is a tough one, isn’t it? If you are a disappointment, that means you have agreed to do something you haven’t been able to do, whether you let someone else down or yourself. Once you’ve crossed that line, it’s hard to pull yourself back, but I have some ideas to offer that might help.

First you need to know I am speaking from experience. As I write these words to you, I am applying them to myself. They come from years of pushing ahead when it feels like my presence in this life is more detrimental than helpful. (See suggestion #7)

1. Be grateful you have people to disappoint. You love somebody–and somebody loves you–enough for you to be to be sorry you let them down. Chances are good they love you anyway, even if they are angry in the moment.
2. If something has happened where the person or people involved can’t forgive you, you have to let them go. Nobody is perfect, and you let them down in no small part because they needed something from you that you really didn’t have to give. Apologize. Make it better if you can. Then move on. Surrendering to your despair doesn’t make anything better for anybody.
3. Think of people who have disappointed you, and forgive them. Nobody operates in a vacuum. Take your current feelings of self-loathing and use them to understand how others feel when they disappoint you or someone else. Help them feel better. Offer them the words you wish someone would say to you.
4. If you care enough about others to be sorry you’ve let them down, then you are a good person, worthy of understanding and forgiveness. Focus on the good things you’ve done, the times when you were successful. If you can’t think of any, try harder. Maybe you show up to work everyday, no matter how you feel. Maybe you always answer the phone, even if you know the caller is going to be too self-absorbed to ask how they can help you. Maybe you never leave dirty dishes in the sink. Maybe you are always kind to dogs.
5. Be realistic about what you are capable of doing. Spend time to know yourself–trust me, you won’t be sorry–and look for occasions when you’ve done exactly what you were supposed to do, maybe even exceeded expectations. Choose a path that lets you use what you are good at and strive to be your very best at that one thing–or things–that give your life meaning.
6. Don’t play the blame game. Your parents didn’t give you the love you think you deserved? They likely did the best they could, even if it wasn’t enough for you. Forgive them. Your boss didn’t give you the tools you needed to do your job? Speak to him/her about it. Tell them what you need. If they don’t take care of it, do the best you can with what you have. If you can’t get it done, that’s not your fault, but it is your fault if you stay where you can’t be successful.
7. Everyone has gifts, everyone has talents, including you. Including me. Be aware that some people won’t appreciate what you have to give. Don’t let them stop you from being your best self. Are you a good driver? Do you get your kids to school on time everyday? Are you filling a job no one else wants to do?
8. This is the most important advice of all, so pay attention:

NEVER GIVE UP.

You fill a role that is uniquely yours to fill. There is no one else to take your spot in life, even if there are others who can do something better than you can. Do your best, and never stop trying to be the best version of yourself you can be.

You have disappointed. You have been disappointed. Make it better if you can, then get on with your life. Resolve to do better. Try not to make promises you can’t keep. Try to keep the promises you make. If things go wrong again, begin with suggestion number 1 and start over.