Give me a sense of humor, Lord–9/9

I’ve been stalling putting this one in because I was afraid it would have a limited audience, but I was reading it yesterday and laughing out loud, so here you go:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
_____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
_____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
_____
Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
_____
All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!
_____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that”just down the road”
can be 1 mile or 20.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!
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In the South, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural.
_____
Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea
unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
_____
And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her sweet little heart”… and go your own way.

2 thoughts on “Give me a sense of humor, Lord–9/9

  1. And only Southerners know the difference between “pee can” and “pah can” pie.
    All y’all don’t want no “pee can” pie!

  2. Absolutely pent subject matter, appreciate it for entropy. “The earth was made round so we would not see too far down the road.” by Karen Blixen.

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